Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, after I foolishly agreed to look after my mom's cat while she went on holiday, I woke up with her on my chest, and she must've been making biscuits on me in her sleep for hours because one of my boobs looks like it had an infectious skin disease that I tried to cut off with a grinder. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
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Top comments
Chloe555_fml 27
I hate having these daily Mammograms, Dr Mittens.
ojosRojos 28
Does your boob size really make a difference? I’m not an E cup but that would definitely still hurt me lol
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Comments (39)
Dave_Davington 34
E cup, you say? Well then, I graciously volunteer to shield your funbags from your cat using only my hands. Think nothing of it, it's my good deed for the day.
ARISKomuniszt 24
Then you'd be disabling her alarm clock though...
Boyufd 25
can i be your alarm clock?
zuckerburg 21
You sure she's not just aiming for your lap but hitting a boob because... tittonsters?
Matys_16 9
Close the bedroom door, maybe?
dramaqueen0703 12
Maybe not let an animal into the house?
jkjorn 18
But then it'll just sit outside the door & meow all night. That's been my experience with cats, anyway. Little bastards sleep 90% of the day but don't care about your sleep.
ojosRojos 28
Does your boob size really make a difference? I’m not an E cup but that would definitely still hurt me lol
Chloe555_fml 27
I hate having these daily Mammograms, Dr Mittens.
Glowworm56 27
Maybe she thinks they're some sort of cat toy!
ojosRojos 28
This post is really bringing out all the creeps -____-
kierstynevans 1
I'm a G cup. get over it girl.
RichardPencil 32
Ladies, ladies! Let's not fight. Just send me pics and I'll settle this in a fair and adult way. Just trying to lend a hand here.
Wadlaen 24
With E and G-cups, you might have to lend both hands...
ThrottleJockey 36
You'll need a larger focus group. I'll assist.
VanTufty 13
Puss in boobs