Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend to stop criticizing my son for his table manners. He said, "It's man things, you wouldn't understand." He acted surprised when I blew my top and told him to leave. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing, "If You're Happy and You Know It." My mom joined in. They sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML
Today, I had to explain to my mother that it's inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML
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Top comments
mattjamt 16
Most of the major musicians have multiple trumpets to choose from, if you know what I'm saying.
perdix 31
I don't know what you are saying. Are you saying that major musicians have multiple penises? Or, they have multiple people to give ******** to? I doubt you have to be a major musician to find people to accept your ********.
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Comments (118)
Noremac42 8
Using the right fingering while blowing just right will produce a sweet sweet sound.
ILoveMyArm 15
That is actually really funny, don't be so uptight OP.
Zebediabolical 45
If it's shaped like a trumpet he's got bigger issues than OP not blowing it anymore!
singer0421 32
I'm sure he could if he just.. Bent a little more. Probably wouldn't be nearly as comfortable.
aniluapss 9
So... this means he likes the D?
perdix 31
You need to find Anna and slap her!
graceinsheepwear 34
Sounds like OP gets to eat dinner while Anna gets to eat dick. Which is the better deal is just...wait for it... a matter of taste.
imnotmadbro 7
OP is anna
ILoveMyArm 15
Those things are pretty hard to blow, do you ever run out of breath?
queerdragon 20
I am not sure how this could be seen as a bad thing, unless you got in trouble for doing sexual things. Sounds like your boyfriend is pretty witty. You should lighten up and make some jokes as well.
imnotmadbro 7
personaly If I was her I would just say i'll just take a banana and go now since I don't need you for that
ULie909 8
******* Score!!! That's a Keeper...
123man 11
OMG! Anna is his nanny!