Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML
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Top comments
petite_amber150 0
gross. wash much?
batman8 0
price check on vagiclean, I repeat, price check on vagiclean
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Comments (202)
savfd645 7
Ever heard of a douche?? Maybe you should invest in one
Yulia_fml 0
I like how it's always a guy suggesting a douche. It's been known for a while now that it's bad to use a douche....
DVecc 0
she should still ******* wash it, it's the equivalent of a guy not pulling back his forskin (if he has it) to clean it >.<
floridasam2010 0
This was by far the funnest fml ever!!!
trippincccs 0
haha tuna cooch
mintcar 10
Aranda Goldfish? Fangtooth? Lungfish? Tuna? Which exactly?....
Zebidee 9
Slippery Dick.
IneffableLullaby 13
Next time, shower before you go to work.
kiki1991_fml 0
well,to cover ur embarrassment,u shud have said..there's something fishy around here.........,
RedPillSucks 33
Or "Hun, I told you not to go down on me after you ate that tuna sandwich" but perhaps that may scar her daughter more.
popcornplaya48 0
what does OP and YDI stand for?
Doortje 30
Offer Pastry - Yankees Did It
positively_crazy 0
hahaha
rockhound 0
Obnoxious Prick and You Damn Imbicile
MoeBigsley 0
although the previous responses were pretty funny. to clear things up for you. OP = Original Poster YDI = You Deserved It Moe
emo_Onsterr 0
ur an idiot
ilikeyouuu 0
original poster and you derserved it.
Darkblade21 20
Wow. not to be offensive, but honestly I hate little kids. they have no filters of what to say. and before people yell at me, I was never a kid who blurted things out.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I'm not a fan of [most] kids, but the blurting tendancy can't always be blamed on age. A lot of kids don't have filters because their parents don't, and they learn what's appropriate by example. Tact is a dying art.
DocBastard 40
Darkblade - you REALLY think you never said anything inappropriate? Unless you grew up a mute, you said stupid shit just like every other human in the history of the world. Cavemen babies said "Ugg!" at inappropriate times. You did the same thing. Don't act all high and mighty just because you don't like kids. For every inappropriate thing kids say, they say 20 funny, sweet, kind, or amazing things. But you don't hear about those as much, especially here.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Doc - Really? Not the kids I know... Hahaha.
justanotherbird 19
Parenting of course has some effect, but being a child also has a lot to do with it. Even the most disciplinary parents have trouble with children sometimes. It's not like a child has the mental capacity of an adult, so they have to learn. I was a pretty good child, but I remember saying something inappropriate as a child. It was out of curiosity, not lack of discipline. In the grocery store I asked my mother in a whisper, "Mommy, why is that man's head so small?" Now, I know you shouldn't say stuff like that, but back then I thought it was just a question.
a_girl_i_know 0
you should have told hour daughter that someday she would smell like that too. lol
amazing54 1
what's an hour daughter and why would you predict your daughter's smelly ******?
jmike101 0
Kids 1 Parents -1