Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML
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Top comments
petite_amber150 0
gross. wash much?
batman8 0
price check on vagiclean, I repeat, price check on vagiclean
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Comments (202)
tinacorbin 0
hah "crotch blocked" by a little girl!
hbacostfu13 0
maybe you shouldnt have queiffed in front of her face
heatherrr23 0
ewww wash your **** woman, that's sick
Moo_Horse 0
oh kids....... dont ya just love em
erika622 0
oh my lord that's hilarious wash ur shit haha
MDNL 0
ahahaha! sick.
KillerHos 0
I think it's time to take a bath
aaron5121 13
you mam, cannot fathom the immensity of the **** I do not give
angelove91 0
y would you post something like this?! i would be humiliated if i were you not trying to spread it online! ydi!!
stephanieeDawnx 0
Do you even know who is being "humiliated"? No, you dont. Unless you were there & watched them write this, then you have no clue, therefore they are not humiliated. Except at work. I'd hate to have that happen. :/ Good thing I wash..
rookiegirl18 0
HAHAHA! not cute.