Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
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Top comments
alyssa_22 0
Wouldn't you notice that there's no water in it?
iammeanttolive 0
Shit happens. (:
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Comments (84)
holynemesis1208 3
that must have been a fun conversation of explaining.
Excellence 0
Don't worry, I'm sure he'll understand, but don't be surprised if you get sent to a "special" school.
spankyness 0
honest mistake, i always piss blind folded, that way i can ensure i get it everywhere, but what went through your head when you saw two toilets... "wow my uncle really hates being alone, even wants company when hes takin a crap"
greenman_fml 0
f-em now everyone can revel in the awesomeness of your shit. don't be ashamed; flaunt your all-powerful bowels
quioxote 0
it's pretty obvious that it's a woman based on the characterization of the toilet as "pretty"...I don't think too many guys would call a toilet pretty
lockdown1101 0
lol... wouldn't you notice there being a problem with having two toilets in someone's bathroom?
dragon_fml 0
scope it out, dump it in the other toliet. flush. SPRAY air freshener into the new toliet to cover smell. throw in some smoothie shake or something to cover the color, tell your uncle that you wanted to flush it but didn't know it wasn't connected. desperate times calls for desperate measures.
paperplanes92 0
why would u assume that men look be4 using the toilet and women dont? he also said that a man wouldnt make a stupid mistake. thats the definition of sexist.
TheAntiComment 0
sexists? thats like saying people who think women are bad drivers are sexist http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/13814
WeStayCrunk24x7 0
hahahahahah, huge dumps are always funny