Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alyssa_22 0
Wouldn't you notice that there's no water in it?
iammeanttolive 0
Shit happens. (:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (84)
uguysareidiots 0
haha u desearved taht one! dumps arent soposed to be pretty!
tekkoem 0
this person is an idiot.
Newo_fml 0
aw :(
paperplanes92 0
it is sexist, its making the assumption that all women are bad drivers.. its a stupid streotype
whoopwhoop_fml 0
stupid women... just kiddin ;) if this is real that sucks lol...i hate going #2 at someone else's house for fear of something out of the ordinary happening...just like this
reader1 0
Entirely possible. I rarely look in the toilet before I use it. Just a thing that I have. But after reading this FML, I might start...
wrestler_fml 0
Ok, let me clear up the stereotyping for all of you: 1) That IS stereotyping. 2) However, it happens to be a slightly true stereotype. It IN NO WAY stands for all women, or even the great majority of women..... but us men do always look at the toilet before taking a crap or pee. I can back that up, I give it 2 looks or more! I wouldn't ever miss an empty toilet seat. And I know that my mom and sister have before. 3) SHE SAID THE WORD PRETTIER. THERE IS NO F*CKING WAY A GUY WOULD SAY "AND SAT IN THE PRETTIER ONE"!
wildstar 0
I agree with 9...didn't you find it the least bit strange that there were two toilets in the same bathroom? I mean, really.
BigGuy99 0
What is with all the shit stories as of late? Are you people German or something?
kandy_fml 0
At the risk of sounding redundant, how the hell did you not see the water in the toilet? It makes no sense to me.