Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
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Top comments
alyssa_22 0
Wouldn't you notice that there's no water in it?
iammeanttolive 0
Shit happens. (:
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Comments (84)
freaky_00 0
:P
sarah8909 0
#51 "american people are much more alert to their bathroom surroundings.. she is most likely a brit" wtf?
DaMiz511 0
Of course women are worse drivers... the majority of the time when I see accidents on the side of the road, there is a woman involved... and even if there's an accident with men, it probably started by one of them trying to avoid a stupid driving mistake by a woman. hahaha. I love woman, no offense, but seriously in general they are worse at driving, straight up.
could_be_funny 0
#51- Yeah I saw that part of Jackass , freaking hilarious.
raeraex3 0
okay obviously this isnt a woman because women dont say that they take dumps, thank you
love4animals 0
okay so there are two toilets in the bathroom and you don't wonder whats going on?
the0ther 0
"prettier toilet" lolololol
Talenie 0
lincoln log!
liljon3 0
damn.... that sucks man what did you do when you realized?
xania_fml 0
that's what you get for spelling stomach with an 'e'.