Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML
Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML
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Top comments
dakotahulsey 15
Now you can put it on and impress girls.
just16letters 15
Well you didn't specify where you wanted him to keep it..
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Comments (57)
misterspock 16
save it and cover public restroom seats with it randomly.
hellnosucka 27
Cool. Now you can do some serious witchcraft.
FatherofTime87 18
How can you be sure it's from his beard...? Manscaping is pretty popular...
Crazynocatlady 22
I guess like Whitney Houston, he's shaving all his love for you...
katties 27
I think he's a funny dad :) And he did actually put the hair in a jar, and didn't just leave it on your bed - I think you got pretty lucky ;)
lh176 7
Well I personally think that's clever and hilarious
playahater1 11
I'm pretty sure by op saying he wanted to keep it that he didn't want his dad to shave it
OptimusVader 23
Thank you, Captain Obvious. I really had trouble understanding this FML and I wouldn't have, if not for you. :)
rhysfucker 24
You better keep your mouth shut when your dog dies.
buckdharma 38
Hold the jar at your side and bring it up to your chest several times. When he asks what your doing, tell him you're curling his hair.
Heisenberg01 3
ha!!!