Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML
Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML
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Top comments
dakotahulsey 15
Now you can put it on and impress girls.
just16letters 15
Well you didn't specify where you wanted him to keep it..
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Comments (57)
Tobber 16
So basically you got some 'stache' from your dad?
Nilorak 24
No he got some beard from his dad.
telli164 30
I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later
pwnman 33
Turns out you will be having his memory..
bluefrootloops 13
Not the weirdest thing someone has kept from their body.
juan3611 14
My mom kept my umbilical cord...
shredder8838 10
Most moms keep their childrens umbilical cord..
Ki11erC 18
62: No idea what weird place you are from but most mums do not keep that.
askullnamedbilly 33
Well... since it was his decision and none of your business, I'll have to say you deserve it :) Your dad has an amazing sense of humor!
bummervacation 10
Well, if you ever find yourself in doubt about his paternity in relation to you, you have a jar full of samples to send in to the lab :)
hunteryager 18
Hair doesnt contain DNA. However, the follicles do, which may not be there since the hair was shaven, not pulled.
bummervacation 10
Huh.. You learn something new every day. Thanks :)
chuka81 27
Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it. And you did.
purebliss_fml 19
Ah, dad humour :)
MrDonSalvetti 27
Man that's really awkward, but it could be worse. Imagine he had given it to you as a birthday present...
PotterHead_DH 26
How on earth is that "awkward"?
MrDonSalvetti 27
#31 So it's completely normal in your house, that your dad gives you his shaved hair, in a jar? Okeei, never heard that this is "normal" but okei...
xx000o 27
And what is the point of this little diatribe?
OptimusVader 23
In what way is this a diatribe? I don't see any place in the FML about abusive denunciations or bitter criticisms. I only see a funny father and a surprised, if not weirded out, OP.
fmlallthetyme 23
I think they just wanted to use their new fancy word so that we would think they were venerable.
alphabetta 23
51, please don't use big fancy words in an effort to impress people. It only makes us more photosynthesized with you.
brandoneyez1 25
Thats one way to keep it. Sounds like dad has a sense of humor.