Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML
Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML
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Top comments
dakotahulsey 15
Now you can put it on and impress girls.
just16letters 15
Well you didn't specify where you wanted him to keep it..
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Comments (57)
MidnaLink 35
It's his face, let him look how he wants. Why do YOU want him to be bearded all the time anyway?
FlyingPie 17
I like his sense of humor. ;)
1947Chevy 17
At least he has a sense of humor
alicat13 12
What was he supposed to do with his beard in the jar? Keep it next to his bed...? You wanted it.
Vanillanougat 14
Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
worldclassrager 41
Now you can hold on to it forever how nice
Sparkwolf 5
Never tell a man what to do with his beard.
Alastor13X 8
Well OP, ask and you'll receive...
cookiemonster116 15
Think about it like this, When you move out (or he croaks) you'll always have something to remember him by
hulopro 16
Your dad is awesome.