Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
iamorange 2
Bacon. It's that important
projudy 9
At least he didn't suggest chili peppers.
hecallsmedarlin 7
What's wrong with that?! Sex and bacon always go hand in hand. :)
TheYamBagga 5
Bacon strips, bacon strips, bacon strips, bacon.....strip
daybar12 8
I'm sorry but I really don't understand all these bacon jokes that seem to be everywhere lately...Yah,bacons good...but I just don't get it.
RadioOctopus 16
Can't go wrong with bacon.
Macscotty 9
What's even better is one of those random magazines you can buy at Walmart about celebrities and such, specifically said "Get more out of your sex life be seducing her with bacon." I can't make this up.
MikeHauncho2010 4
Smart man
sockmunky 3
I see no wrong
mpalmiter4717 8
Yum. Loosen up