Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
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Top comments
manb91gb 15
Well I hope her baby shower gift from you is divorce papers
bl3ur0z3 17
On the one hand, she did increase the odds of conception. On the other hand, that better have been the best dinner she ever made.
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Comments (25)
Wadlaen 24
Do you have an open relationship with your wife, or were you as shocked as some of us by that message (it also looks like she has been trying a bit harder than you..)..?😮
AmbrosiaFan 19
"Divorce with a side of bitch get out of my house"
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Demand a paternity test and find a good divorce lawyer. Not necessarily in that order.
BorderCount 5
Am I the only one wondering if she was just messing with him?
Cyberiian1 4
Now you know what she meant all those times when she left to go swinging in the park.
123Puppy 33
She’s so cruel...
Bevis Butthead 4
MAURY POVICH here we come!
Chris Mauricio 3
*chanting* Jerry Jerry Jerry✊✊💪💪
julfunky 29
Are you in an open relationship? Polyamorous? I can’t see this being something someone who is supposed to be in a monogamous relationship would say so casually.
J15237 25
I hope you told her cheating ass you want a divorce for dinner. Pregnant or not that's ****** up. You should leave her.
crashtestdumplin 16
Well if it is your child maybe you could get full custody.