Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
heyred 11
Twisted Canadian humor, I hope?
De3z 0
wow... I don't even no what to say to that... xcept I'm SO sorry you married a cheating ***** bitch that gets knocked up by 1 of 6 guys and tells you like it's no big deal...
paprikacha 9
Yeah...I hope it was twisted Canadian humor too. Maybe the baby'll pop out looking exactly like him and she'll be all 'Did you think I was serious? lol' and everyone'll have a good nervous/relieved laugh together. If not, it's time to throw that bitch in the road. -_-
Tweety122888 0
wow really what a *****. get a DNA test right after the birth. you don't wanna pay for child support fir a child that may not ge even yours.
comatoast 0
I'm impressed that she has time between getting nailed by six different guys to even make dinner. YDI for having a huge ***** for a wife.
godofcyanide 8
OP, it's called "sarcasm." Learn about it, and know that you have experienced it!
Einstein714 0
did she make you a sammich?
meelmo 0
lawl
missmontreal97 4
yeah. she was either joking... or if not, divorce her. *****.
xraytek 0
divorce her and never look back even if the kid is yours you don't want a tainted child that will remind you of your ***** wife. you'll never love it. and get yourself tested for STDs you knows what 5 other guys are infested with.
That_Guy_Jake_JR 0
Sorry OP, hopefully it is yours. I don't need another kid to take care of -_-
godofcyanide 8
I disagree, 73. Get a sense of humor.
lildrummerboy47 0
wow and she doesn't see any problem with that? just tell her straight up that's it's a problem cause she clearly doesn't realize what a marriage is supposed to be about. give her hell. lol. fyl op and sdi if you give der crap for it.
trenton95 4
godofcyanide. dude your a retard. why would a wife just throw things like that around like it's just not right. you need to get a real sense of humor
nitaaxboo 0
wow what a hoe that's soo wrong leave her
mrguy266 0
I agree with 80, if she is being sarcastic, then he has a wife an awesome sense of humor. but it she is serious..well fyl.
chopra 0
ur wife is a ****
twinny_sc 13
Well...what did you want for dinner?
gingernator 0
well, i think the reason she did this was to get pregnant. since they have been trying for ages and no success, that means that the OP is sterile. so they still wanted a kid so she decided to go overboard and get nailed by 5 guys to ensure that she got pregnant. if she wasn't doing it for them and to get pregnant then she wouldn't have told him, otherwise she's the most honest ***** in the world.
bamditzki 0
what a b...!
woofis 0
bukkake!
LexBvl 4
80, get a new face.
That_Guy_Jake_JR 0
111- You tell him to get a new face, but yours is a question mark.
Sharpie23 7
wow 5 other guys....wow btw you better have told her to make you a sammich! YDI for being fat
Larios222 1
keep it pimp hand strong and smack that hoe!!!
jjosies 1
so, whats for dinner?
Brittney_E 0
wow. fyl. so how awkward was it at the dinner table?
Hamsterzilla 0
eeww what a ****.
godofcyanide 8
111 - Thank you for the compliment. Please, keep them coming.
niles_f1 0
this could be a Maury Povich episode!
Canuck13 12
Is "cheated" from Ontario gonna have to choke a bitch?
theFMLwhore5 0
OP, she likes it the ****** abit to much..she's a slutty ***** bag *****. lol
LinsKitty 0
lmfao @38
Ashley121645 0
what is she ****** op's relatives then ****** him INCEST yuck!
lilmisslovely13 15
OP if I were you, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. She might be serious, but she'd have to be pretty stupid to say it like that. My feeling is that she's joking. It's not funny, though.
thenextnash1 0
Learn humor
fatcow282 8
Your assuming. I honesly dk hope she was joking but if not that must suck
rockhound 0
dude, that sucks.
ImSoBaKed 0
hmmm... in my opinion, this sounds fake, but I could (highly doubt it) be wrong.
LookinLikeDrake 0
make sure that baby isn't yours and Toss that bitch so she can't leech via child support if she bounces with some other guys
mysfit 0
for sure! **** that. sorry, op, that you found yourself with a ****. that sucks. but, yeah.. make sure to find out if the baby's yours or not and then leave the trash at the dumpster.
JRSOne 5
holla
JRSOne 5
some girls deserve to die. I have that tatted on my back. you should too
bobB700 0
****. dump her
shanie123 10
agreed... better hope it's not yours
FFML_314 12
That's a bit extreme 5. Especially seeing as she's going to be a mother. Anyway, OP I'm sorry about your wife being a cheating tramp. I hope you get the better sense to leave her ass.
lilmami0823 0
DIVORCE tht nasty bitch!!! I kno she's ur wife but rly... DIVORCE tht bitch!!!
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
lickmyjock 0
mmm I'd rather just snack on you.
xFalzz 0
That made me lol irl. :D
Jessi_the_sexii 0
sorry 16 ur not my typee lol
lickmyjock 0
fine you can have mr 17 Justin bieber instead.
Jessi_the_sexii 0
hes not my type either haha
xFalzz 0
21, u mad?
johnnyexpl0sion 0
really 21? getting mad some girl politely turned you down on fml? get a life kid.
lickmyjock 0
lol 26. and 30, you need a new sarcasm detector.
InDenial 6
Damn 30, you got owned by 31 and you haven't thought of another comeback yet.
roflinyourwaffle 0
40, dude...i don't even...
lickmyjock 0
you're not my type either 24 but ya still are pretty. :-)
ninomunoz 0
24 - Whoever took that photo of you did a really great job with the lighting. You're like half-brunette, half-blonde! And your eyes came out gorgeous, too. Is it a senior pic?
ohthebloodygore 16
Jessi- hah, all the guys crowd in you!:p
ohthebloodygore 16
On*
roflinyourwaffle 0
around* third time's the charm.
johnnyexpl0sion 0
lol @ 40, how did I get "owned" by that statement? need a new sarcasm detector? wtf lol. also, i dont spend my every waking moment on fml. this is the first time i checked this post since i responded to it earlier.
ohthebloodygore 16
It's neither seeing as how it's the Internet, those terms refer to real life.
DevilDoll 0
I think she took it herself(:
rasellersjr 0
win
Jessi_the_sexii 0
my senior pictures are from 2 years ago, i took this 1 on the fourth of july i was outside and took a picture it looked pretty fly so i kept it(: no photo shop just luck 'o the draw
misfitSuperStar 0
She's NASTY dude!!! Did that not upset you at ALL??
jdfml90 0
It's times like these that... domestic violence is ok.
myschyveus 0
37, is contradictive hypocrisy a specialty of yours? damn op, if she's not joking, I feel for you kid.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
85: I don't see any contradictive hypocrisy in pendatik's comment. Self-defense is NOT the same thing as domestic violence.
bluelobster889 0
Word
dcea 17
no, it's not. never has been, never will be.