Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
Scribe_fml 8
Monkey see, monkey do.
nesscafe_fml 17
She is going to be so mortified about it when she is older!
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Comments (110)
Scribe_fml 8
Monkey see, monkey do.
lebronesque73091 12
I agree. I wouldn't do something like that in front of your three year old; they tend to imitate and repeat everything they see or hear.
onlychildFTW 34
That's how little kids work exactly. This will be a mortifying story when she's older and you are telling her future bf/fiancé. Haha. One question though OP, why do that in the first place?
mamamiaaa_fml 12
22 - OP didn't know his daughter was watching. 23 - Just for fun?
Trisha_aus 15
Cos they're boobs, men do weird strings when they see them!
lilhellian 27
I don't normally do this, but it got to me this time. Because** strange**
boarderlyne17 8
66 -- "Men do weird strange when they see them"? Right...
MrForgetable 0
I believe 59 meant things instead of strings. :P
xzeldax3 18
Monkey pee all over you.
BulldogHoops 14
Rule 1 of being a Grammar Nazi: Make sure your correction is correct, or you're going to look like a jackass.
onlychildFTW 34
66 - give up being a grammar nazi. You suck at it.
lilhellian 27
Sorry I kept reading it as tho things was already there. As tho it said "stringe things."
hilda_kitty 16
81 - *spelling nazi Oh, the irony.
nesscafe_fml 17
She is going to be so mortified about it when she is older!
BatteryAddict 11
There will be a FML from her in the future. I'm sure of it.
grafeety 9
This is why I dread ever getting married.
annie_nk 23
24 - Because you can't get pregnant if you aren't married. (sarcasm)
grafeety 9
No, because I did a bunch of so called cute things similar to that when I was a kid. And when my father gives a toast he will be sure to tell everyone. What does pregnancy have to do with any of this?
annie_nk 23
My bad. I thought you meant you dreaded having one of your kids do the same if they saw their daddy grab mommy. Sorry about that.
grafeety 9
Ohhh I see the connection, don't worry about it, it's an easy mistake!
funny_but_sad 4
Haha I can just see a rage comment about it then the "Oh God Why" face. Lol.
happyllama12 5
Yeah.. 12 years later from the girl---- Today, on my 12th birthday, I realized why everyone thinks I'm creepy. My parents brought me up letting me think I could honk random people's boobs. FML I feel bad for her future if you don't figure something out.
JustAGirlOnFML 11
Wait till when she's older and it's done to her
thenamestaco171 2
YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS AMAZING. :3 but in all seriousness, that sounds just a tad bit creepy.
Eliseopwns 22
Her body will be ready.
JustAGirlOnFML 11
72 - Thank you (: Its my favourite anime. And yes its a bit creepy, but it can happen to her.. O_o
theQUEEN444 5
that's enginious
ambowew 7
Ingenious? No, not really.
grafeety 9
I believe it was an attempted pun. Where engine is part of a car which has a horn which goes "HONK HONK". Needless to say it failed. Miserably.
woainishamu 21
The irony...
krazyapples9 4
They learn so fast..
xgetxbentx 13
Odds are she would have picked it up eventually even if she didn't see it from you. When my friends daughter was about two she would grab her own chest and go "chi-chis" if she heard anything about boobs. To this day (she's 4 now) we have no idea where she learned it. Then about two months ago I accidentally got my 1 year old niece started on it after her mom and I were talking about the other little girl. It'll be a funny story when she grows up.
kakarot2 11
Cool story bro, tell it again.
newbiehere99 6
Too much.
onewaystreetpark 0
That's a cool story bro
newbiehere99 6
Cool story "bra" would've been a-cup-propiate
BlueFlatts 20
Yup, my guess is that something inappropriate like that was bound to happen in front of her eyes eventually. It could be worse, I wonder how long she'll do it for.
outstandtacular 11
I thumbed you down because your comment is so long. Ain't nobody got time for dat.
Scribe_fml 8
This will become a rage comic in 13 years,
xXSkullCarlosXx 11
Oh God Why.....
OhAidan 7
Hey, remember that time...
liv_graham 7
hopefully that's all she's seen.
kickass1stbase 7
At least she didn't see motor boating!
coach25 5
That would be funny!
kickass1stbase 7
I actually know a guy who taught his daughter to do that to her mom when she was a baby.
flockz 20
and this FML has given me the perfect excuse to grab boobs in public.