Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
Scribe_fml 8
Monkey see, monkey do.
nesscafe_fml 17
She is going to be so mortified about it when she is older!
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Comments (110)
winkydog4056 16
When OP says 'grandparents', does that mean grandpa has man boobs?
Badassname123 0
Who says "honk honk" while messing with a wife?????
abbytobin25 3
That sounds like an snl skit
nvo 6
Honk honk?? That's something no grown woman finds sexy to begin with. You're lucky your wife has tolerated it thus far - now take this as a divine hint to come up with better foreplay.
bmthluvr 0
thats too funny.
Mindwarp 4
Guess my ex wasnt the only one who did that...
Plumeriaprincess 2
You deserve that! "honk, honk" her boobs at your age....really? Are you 12? Time to grow up and understand that is ine major turn off! Yish! Put more effort into bwing romantic that childish!
FadeIntoLucy 12
HAHAHA! Hilarious... Kids at that age always seems to be listening when you least expect it or you don't realise they're there... And those seem to be the times that they mimic the most. Enjoy that.
rhevenge 19
my husband does the same thing. there is nothing remotely embarrassing or childish about it. it's just all fun.
TrueFG 2
It's silly not childish; some people don't know how to enjoy life.