Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML
Today, I answered the door at my boyfriend's house to an obese woman, who looked and smelled homeless, and rudely tried to barge past me to get inside. I told her to get out or I’d call the police. My boyfriend behind me saw this disgusting woman and said those two awful words: “Hi Mom.” FML
Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML
Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML
Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML
Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML
Today, I was accosted by an angry homeless man at the recycling center, since I refused to give him my saved up bottles and cans. He insisted that he needed it more and I was "poaching his turf". I needed the recycling to put gas in my car, just to make it to work and hope I could make it back home. FML
Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
cparrenas 3
I feel bad for the homeless guy.
noshatsherlockk 15
At least he's trying to make something of himself.
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Comments (67)
KrayKrayGurl117 7
More like F HIS Life
perdix 31
Ever heard of a peephole? A healthy dose of paranoia would have prevented this olfactory assault. Opening the door for strangers?!?! Your sweet, fat mama would be ashamed.
Schiffy 18
But with enough scrap metal, you can build a hat! (anyone?)
Drizzelhell 3
Hey at least the guys trying to work. U cud gave bought something or gave him a few buck. I mean hell u know he's a real homeless guy he smells like death least u cud do is help him out.
bananagrams 9
It should be, but then again what kind of FML would that be? "today, I am a homeless person. FML" It works but I don't think anyone would be entertained by it
Blooblibloo 4
I don't think you get to complain about that.
theonex17 15
Probably the guy from Miami
aylard 0
I would be xD
candylandy 1
The way that you wrote this trying to sound smart, is soo annoying.
dominic1221 6
I love how whenever someone has a decent grasp of the English language, they must automatically be "trying to sound smart". Only illiterate idiots feel annoyed or threatened by a good vocabulary.
candylandy 1
It's not that hard to look up words and put them all into one sentence now is it?
dominic1221 6
No sasquatch it eleemosynary really isn't bamboozling entrepreneur is it? Then again, some of us actually paid attention in English classes and have an education, so yeah. Sorry if you feel threatened or inferior because someone correctly used words that aren't in your everyday vocabulary. You must feel so oppressed and put down, like the OP's going out of his way specifically to make you, personally, feel stupid. :(
Ins0mau 20
Look candylandy, just because YOU need to look those words up, doesn't mean everyone else needed to. People needn't feel obligated to dumb down their comments just for you.
broim13calm_down 8
you on bath salts?