Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
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Top comments
Javier6597 19
At least you know that she wont get robbed without fighting back
lotrgeek 10
At least she's not having an affair?
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Comments (150)
FlyingPie 17
She didn't expect you to be home yet, and she feels someone crawling into bed with her - What did you expect her to think?
Epikouros 32
She didn't really think you were an intruder, she was just annoyed that she had to tell her lover to hide in the closet when she heard you coming.
helmiz 17
you did ask for it
tabbydionysis 18
What a great wife! Defending the castle while you're gone.
lifeofpie25 16
well atleast she didnt take another name
tbenson0628 14
Good girl!
nikkee_05 4
hey at least u know she would fight against someone else trying to get I to ur bed. :) silver lining!
good_aim 3
Yeah, I probably should have seen it coming. Between her older brothers and me, she can hold her own. And yes, my wife is pretty awesome.
1jordan1 11
That's so sweet I love when guys say cool things about their wives these days everyone is getting cheated on or they are miserable in the relationship and everyone gets divorced. I love when guys truly love and care for their wife.
theyreafteryou 5
That's some quick reflexes from your wife. But now your prank may have some serious consequences, because if she's attacked from behind, first thing she'll think will be "Maybe it's my silly hubby again." and only then she'll think "Oh wait, it cannot be him because he's over there." and only then she'll move to defend herself, by which time it may already be too late! You've just costed your wife that precious fragment of a second that often makes all the difference in life-and-death situations. YDI does not even begin to describe it!!!
Poetaster 10
Moron
caligirllife 11
That sucks. But hey I'd rather have that than be cheated on