Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after seven months of my supporting him, including paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and cooking, my unemployed "aspiring rapper" boyfriend finally got paid for his music. Did he buy me something nice? No, he called his boys to hit the club and pissed away everything he'd earned and then some. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML
Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML
Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML
Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML
Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. His excuse was that I never had time for his needs anymore. He’s unemployed but I guess me working and studying to get my degree so we could move out of his parents’ house was too much. Now I have no place to go. FML
Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML
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Top comments
yoursucklives 36
well at least jo can have all the money from your minimum wage job for yourself now.
Mossadchick 5
Yeah he can pretty much kiss any monetary support you gave him goodbye after that stunt. Maybe your stepsis can help him out. After all she had the money for the whipped cream..
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Comments (158)
TheElderTROLLZ 15
She spilled it on herself and he was cleaning it off.
kayla_ann0o 9
Deer blood.
Indigo14 6
I wonder what he'd lick for a Klondlike bar...
GovernorGeneral 8
Id lick anything for one of those *-*
amberxxoo 6
): Chop off his balls
lopsop 12
Yes great idea chip them off and not only go to jail but lose any job you have or night get
Michael_92 20
Pretty sure 24 used sarcasm, calm down....I'm not though chop that bastards balls off!!!!!
laden_swallow09 35
At least he could become a better singer that way. A castrato could make boucoup bucks back in the day.
yummylicious 5
Wow that sucks. Yell at him and tell your sister to get in the shower
llamafish 25
What if he joins her?
egc573 40
Has anybody else noticed that this OP avoided the usual nit-picky word "boyfriend" and went straight to "now ex-boyfriend"? They're learning!
Schizomaniac 24
Yeah. Usually my lack of originality and creativity only allows me to say "I hope you mean ex-boyfriend!" so this time I couldn't comment. :(
thatoneguy79 10
You could go for a slight alteration; "I hope you mean ex-step-sister"
RendarSelin 5
Pretty messed up, but your step-sister deserves the wrath as well - maybe even more.
tony1891 22
but baby I can explain.... yeah. good thing he is your ex. as for continuing to support him....I wouldn't
thatoneguy79 10
Undoubtedly he tried to give you a song and dance about how it wasn't what it looked like, about how you were the cream of his crop. What he really needs is a good whipping and to step off. Certainly glad you dealt with him in minimal time; no sense in waging a long battle with him. As for the twisted sister, it sounds like she deserves a whipping as well. Best of luck with your now-free time.
False_Stupidity 42
Well said sir, very well said indeed... +1 internetz for you
TheFamilyElf 17
Sounds like the stepsister already got a whipping. Heh heh. No...?
I_Punch_Babies 7
isnt it pretty obvious whats going on here? OPs stepsister was making sundaes and accidentally got some whipped cream on herself. the ex boyfriend was just trying to get the whipped cream off of her without wasting it when OP walked in on them. Perfect explanation!
HerrBawl 4
Better than finding him licking it off of your stepbrother
LadyGore 12
Personally I'd rather find out he's gay then a douche bag cheater
white16sox 19
40, but finding him licking it off her step brother would just make him a gay douche bag cheater. The exact same thing pretty much.
llamafish 25
But...if it were her step-brother that would make him gay AND a douchebag cheater... Edit: **** me in the ass and call me uncle Steve. Beat to the punch.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Well, bisexual douche bag cheater. But yeah, it doesn't make it any less "cheating".
white16sox 19
No worries 47, we posted pretty much at the same time.