Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!
happylawyer 16
I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (88)
BVBarmy_girl 22
It's actually a win-win situation! So why be annoyed? Oh yeah.. To have more "grumpy wife sex" xD
summerguy97 16
Hey it makes both of you happy, so why be mad?
wjh100 13
my guess would be instead of talking about about problems he ***** her but i don't know there day to day life
BellaBelle_fml 23
Hey sex is awesome! I like that he cares about making you happy instead of adding to the stress. It apparently works too. So why complain? YDI
jameen 11
Well if you're ever in the mood... Get moody!
noelasis94 18
Do you hear what I hear, and do you see what I see? Now go on and sing that, it'll help.
SoulAmeliorate 16
The songs you recommend... They don't help.
limitedition 25
If I were you I'd pretend to be grumpy a lot more! Good job hubby.
limitedition 25
Until that day I'd be golden!
CrookedCook 14
if it works then what's your problem?
CaptMurdock 25
Hey, so long as it works and you're both happy. I mean it's still sex right?
olpally 33
"Grumpy wife sex" made me think of one of the seven dwarfs from Snow White... Lol. Kinky. Haha.
davek 36
You admit it cheers you up, surely that's a good thing?