Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!
happylawyer 16
I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.
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Comments (88)
nuke0013 7
Doesn't matter, had sex.
jackiemora 18
Exactly. And the fact that it works to cheer her up, even better. No FML here.
evilplatypus 39
Why be bothered by either if it makes you happy?
JenkJenks 6
Exactly. All I read was, "today, I found out that my husband cheers me up when I'm grumpy. FML."
metalhead4740 14
Still counts!
feelingold 18
You have grumpy-wife-sex? Mine gets grumpy-wife-chained-up-in-the-attic. But to be fair I think she enjoys that more than the sex.
metalhead4740 14
Actually that was a Lonely Island reference...
lambda_fml 40
Hey grumpy is hawtt. I google Grumpy porno all the time.
TrueStoryFolks 17
So, I'm not the only one. Great!
tjv3 10
Umm I'm not seeing a down side to this lol I'm guessing this is a YDI
v1kt4r 13
An this is an fml why??? I don't even know how to vote, door no 1: saying your life sucks would mean sex that cheers you up is a bad thing.. Lock that shit and throw the key away Door no 2: you deserve it, that means would mean u deserve sex that cheers but ur ass I here whining about it.. You don't deserve grumpy wife sex.. And yet you probably got some coz you were grumpy about this.. *sigh*
thekidracb 7
I mean, if you weren't grumpy, it wouldn't have a name
becka2s 14
Well it benefits you so why nt haha
Blackcatluck 19
But that's the best kind D:
happylawyer 16
I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.
Jemm_fml 29
Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!
Ambient25 25
Exactly! This is one of those rare times where it's neither "Your Life Sucks" or "You Deserve It"....
ashesanddust 8
The complaining about something, which is in reality sweet of her husband, kind of makes it a ydi in my opinion
doodlecloud 27
You're not allowed to say stuff like that 48 - the mods will eat you up! They're probably on their way over now, especially as I've said this too...
NoFlippinWai 24
48 Thats because its not really an FML. Its the rare occurance of an FYL wrapped in an FML and it somehow got passed thr mods. (ducks and runs for cover)
Allornone 35
Be happy he's found a reliable (and fun) way to cheer you up. Sex almost always does the trick for me, too. No shame in it. It's a great stress-reducer
amDes 11
I agree, it seems like she's going to need more sex if she's grumpy about the grumpy wife sex. I would be happy if my husband wanted to still bang me if I was being bitchy in order to cheer me up. What a lucky duck OP is!
NagainaFier 16
Grumpy wife sexception
Jemm_fml 29
I died. Thank you.