Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
Jemm_fml 29
Offended? be grateful! He actually cares about cheering you up and in the best way ever!
happylawyer 16
I like the fact that he went around your grumpiness instead of going around the neighborhood. So, YDI.
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Comments (88)
MsPhen 7
This sounds like something my boyfriend would do. I think it's hilarious, not sure why you're complaining...sounds to me like a quirky personality, not an insult. I guess it could be mean-spirited, but it sounds like he's just being goofy.
Zimmington 21
I don't know why but the fact that this comment makes 0 since made me laugh harder than FML!!
JFox 8
That sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
TrueStoryFolks 17
At least he's not cheating.
mattorama 15
He's a hell of a guy to put up with your grumpy ass for a decade.
AshaaFerreira 22
If my hubby gave me sex every time I was grumpy, it would be my permanent mood!
samanthatorres 13
Why would you be mad ? That's so sweet
ManicGypsy 22
I have noticed that I tend to get bitchy if my hubby doesn't give it to me every few days or so, so we kinda have the same thing. :) I'm happy about it, not annoyed.
aok0989 10
I think this shows he cares about you. I mean most guys have sex because it feels good with the benefit of pleasing their spouse. If you sees that you're grumpy and has sex with you specifically to cheer you up that's actually pretty sweet of him.
How_you_doin 10
You still have sex after 10 years?!!!! I don't understand your complaint!