Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ifunnyftw 10
Reply: "Before you ask if I called the cops, the answer is yes."
WCARlover 35
Restraining order asap
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
iAmPaul 49
Yes, you can edit on mobile. On any platform, you have up to 2 minutes to edit it after you post the original comment.
dark_angel4121 12
You're ex is so stupid. He/she just admitted to destroying your property. That's ground for suing the shit out of them and filing a restraining order. You dated a dumb-ass.
pandalover69 26
She doesn't need to sue but she does need file charges against him. If the damage costs enough it could be a felony charge which means jail time. He'll most likely have to pay her back anyway. He screwed himself by admitting it in that text that it was him.
travellingfun 18
Yeah, he sounds a bit Psycho.
Charles900 16
That's what you call "People's Exhibit A"
born_hustla 26
So OP, what did you do to deserve such an unpleasant surprise ?
R2Y2 22
Court time
OgBloodRaven 10
Enough information to let you know he/she did it but vague enough to get away with it in court. They are an evil mastermind! Run...
wvcheesehead 13
Exaggerate when you ask what they did in text... did you break my window and steal my stereo? they may reply with, no I just broke the window... that is a police technique.
TheGolfGTI 24
Not on the app. Browser, maybe. Whoops. Nevermind. I just edited this comment.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Not on the Windows Phone app. No editing whatsoever. Of course, the WP app is absolute ass anyways.