Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML
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Top comments
ifunnyftw 10
Reply: "Before you ask if I called the cops, the answer is yes."
WCARlover 35
Restraining order asap
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Comments (50)
SalvagedPancake 10
If I were you I'd call the police and keep the text as evidence. Sorry OP
ProfessorMctitie 20
Go take a shit on her windshield and have a note that says before you ask me, yes you have shit on your window
gintwinsmoore 20
doesn't top a broken window that costs money to replace though...
Britt125 16
You just gotta get them to specify that is actually what they were referring to, and then you have a confession if you want to call the cops, which I would.
Staresti 6
I like how everyone is assuming it's a girl that's that's crazy. OP is a woman, heterosexual people are the majority, so it's most likely a guy who did it.
camogirl2249 19
Oooh good call lol!
DestinysChampion 17
Easy proof for vandalism charge. Hope the repairs aren't too costly.
gabagabaheyu 10
well now you can call the cops
WriterB 3
At least you can sue the idiot for damages now.
kellyem2 20
Whelp, at least he was smart enough to provide you with evidence for the cops.
StevoKing666 18
This person is a bitch or asshole (depending on the gender), why do people have to act like this
exuberant_orange 17
Well at least he gave you proof of who did it! Time to call the cops!