Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
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Top comments
UrCapsLockOn 12
plants breathe too how she manged to tap that ?? :S
xlord 27
apparently you burn a lot of calories during sex so she is right
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Comments (112)
twoslopoe 5
Damn...um how old was she when she did that? -.-
3040evan 2
For who ever thought sex is a good workout in truth you really don't burn that many calories. It's an average of 25-100. Just FYI.
krapula 4
Well that's probably when you last only about a minute or so.
alpacaman 5
Just so you know, sex isn't a good workout. I can go to the gym and lift for 15 minutes and burn more calories than during an hour of sex
emo_owl 3
But sex is way more fun
soad2014 7
The 60s were crazy, man! :P
batrob 7
You heard your gran, get out there
notepie 6
She's like the village bicycle... Everybody has had a ride!!! Lol
RedPillSucks 33
Everybody ride her, just like a bus route
superfire 3
Take some pointers she clearly knows whats she's talking about
MDTeddy 13
"And that is how your mother was born."
coffee_man900 16
OP's username is Brian, and is possibly and Guy. Pay attention now. OP said "Thanks Gran." Doesn't say Grandma and is quite possibly his Grandpa. Hello? :)
coffee_man900 16
^*** possibly a Guy. Sorry, can't blame that one on spellchecker. Damn. :)
bizarre_ftw 22
5 minutes of sex burns more calories than running a mile (or something like that, either way the point is it's good cardio to get ******)