Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Damn you should kick your own ass for that shit
mashimarox 12
Idiot.
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Comments (233)
katiemarke 0
That is brilliant!
shayshayshazam 14
Is it though?
tjv3 10
Most tattoo places around me won't do tattoos on drunk people. Which is good for me or otherwise I would be sporting tribal art on the side of my face lol
Dr0reos 8
36-youre lucky. The full back tattoo of Mccoy from star trek that says "ramblin' gamblin' man" on it is really starting to get akward to explain at clubs.
imaginaryvoice 18
Awe, common. You only live once, mother ******
DontJudgeBeNice 5
Sorry dude, but that is hilarious! This is why English tattoo parlours aren't open that late and won't let you be under the influence of anything!
farnsworth 3
What's with all this YOLO? The professor represents Hakuna Matata "Hakuna Matata what a wonderful phrase..."
BandWagonGuy 8
I'm a bandwagoner, and i might be a douchebag.
randomstudios 0
110- yeghu, what?
JocelynKaulitz 28
You should probably get another tattoo saying "YDI"
UnleashedKilla1 4
Well... You do only live once...
mashimarox 12
Idiot.
Dr0reos 8
Well OP theres only one sollution. Youve gotta go all yakuza on your own ass and cut off your fingers
amandajlucas2015 2
Well tattoo parlors aren't supposed to give u a tattoo if ur intoxicated because alcohol makes ur blood thinner and u bleed more so idk where u got ur tattoo from
Inheritance 10
Sounds like a theme of Hangover
GNR93 14
It'll probably be the center concept of the next movie, prior to a happy go lucky song leading up to the realization of why they got the tattoo, cinema gold here people.
ladyangel52 11
as soon as I see, "woke up from a long night of drinking", I automatically think YDI -.-
MedKits 9
Ah yes, because I'm sure you've never drank more than moderately before in your life, right?
ladyangel52 11
I don't even drink, I'm still a year too young
ICastillo 25
Damn you should kick your own ass for that shit
reddudeover 2
I volunteer for the job.
GawdamitNappa 4
To kick your own ass?
reddudeover 2
Yeah, I've been a little surly bastard lately in need of some sweet sweet punishment.
cheetahbaby96 8
Err.... Does that sound kinky to anyone else?
ICastillo 25
Haha actually that does sound a little kinky
xMiss_Maggot 7
whats a YOLO? i know ima get thumbs down
zachherbert 10
YOLO means Your Oysters Live Outside... It's a ******** joke.
nofearjenshere 12
You Oughta Look Online.
iBanana 17
Your ****** leeks out
ICastillo 25
Yukon Orangutan Likes Orgasms
grace12898 0
I'm going to be the decent person and tell you what it really means You Only Live Once and it is the dushiest thing since people saying lol in a conversation
ters19 10
Guys it's cholo Chu only live once
hellobailey 2
Dushiest?
Jessj958 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sorry to ask a dumb question but what does YOLO mean? But that does suck! Sorry OP!
ajeppsen 25
You Only Live Once
llamafish 25
Yaks Outrank Lemur Orphans Why everyone finds this statement important, I have no idea.
white16sox 19
Commence the trolls!
l23VIVE 17
Young Owls Love Olives
kandi_kid69 15
YOLO- You're obviously lacking oranges
l23VIVE 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your Ostrich Likes Owls
Jessj958 19
Thank u! I have asked this question on a previous post and no one answered.
BigBoyBounce 5
Google is your friend! But its from that song The Motto by Drake. Personally i just want to punch everyone in the face that says YOLO.
ConesOfDeath 0
Your Old Lady's Ovaries
teddy4nyy 13
You're on legos-Ouch
chelseaaababyyy 17
I am personally thankful that Drake made up YOLO. Until that I thought I lived twice. Thank you for that eye opener, Drake. Thank you.
summerbreeze888 10
You Obviously Love Oreos!
TheCarChanel 0
Threw a pencil in class YOLO
OkitaCockroach 19
You obviously live online.
BigBoyBounce 5
Actually Drake didn't even make up YOLO. He stole it from Mac Dre in his song All I Want to do. Just a fun fact for anyone who wants to know.
MarisaCB 16
You only lack originality.
Addyy_ 5
YODO, because YOLO is too mainstream.
esmiles3 5
Yolo! Yolo! You can't punch me!!!!!
downtime 13
33, I think you meant: Today, I announced that, after asking what something meant on FML and receiving no answer, I had to wait for someone else to ask the question to get the answer rather than just looking it up myself. FML.
iPfreeee 3
Wow. Urban dictionary mofo
bitter3ulogy 0
#55 **** drake, suicide silence said you only live once first.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
YOLT. You only live twice
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Oh man..suicide silence for the ******* win.
yasssx3 6
He didn't 'steal' it. In the song he says "Rest in peace Mac Dre" so he's acknowledging the fact that Mac Dre said it first. Like in Bedrock when he says/ references "Girl I gotta watch my back, cuz I'm not just anybody" is originally sang by Aaliyah.
heyheysmile 0
Nigha have u been living under a god damn rock?! It means you obviously love Oreos...like foreal everyone knows that
onlychildFTW 34
YOLO = stupid saying
TheCarChanel 0
Went for an untouched enemy care package in mw3 YOLO
roguewave 1
LMAO!!! I can't stop laughing!
xxmel 6
Why are we downvoting the good people who don't know what YOLO is? They haven't been exposed to its' stupidity. We should look up to them.
mmiller2023 4
i bet someone said it before them
dethbunny 0
120 - He asked once on this post, then thanked the person who gave him an answer. How is he lazy and "waited for someone else to ask?" please inform me.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Your Ovaries Love Omelets
karkid619 8
95- no its you obviously lack originality.
BigBoyBounce 5
#121 yeah but drake made it popular and most of the people know it because of him. #129 thanks for pointing that out. After listening to the song as many times as i have, i never even noticed that part.
prettykitty82 4
You obviously lack originality
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
You're only liked online
l23VIVE 17
Yorkies Obsess Like Octopi (Octopusses?)
l23VIVE 17
Mike Only Finds Olive
Masajaber1973 0
You Only Live Once YOLO
bunniex1 11
It doesn't matter cuz u can't understand what suicide silence says.
Synistiel 14
Too bad the equivalent of punching on FML is thumbing down.
LaughinStock 16
:( Damn Op get those removed, I can't stand people who say YOLO.
skoob1 12
It's as if it is an excuse to be a douchebag, *screams bomb in an airport* "yolo".
TheCarChanel 0
Not as bad as people who say Rachet
llamafish 25
LMAO. And also, FYL. And while I'm at it, BLT, because **** you. Douchebag.
reddudeover 2
BLT... Big loose turd? That's a bit harsh don't you think?
llamafish 25
Actually, I was going for Bacon, Lavocado, and Tapkins.
OkitaCockroach 19
Come on, no one else but Aradia here remembers the BLT FML? It was one of my favourites. XD
lorenzoman77 7
Big long tampon?
Killer_fel 15
I'm going for bacon, avocatoes and napkins.
challan 19
I remember it, because it sounded so good I made myself one! However, I just served it on the napkin ;)
MrsStorms 0
lmao :) that's pretty funny! My friends have YOLO tatted on the front of their shoulders.. They were also drunk.
olpally 33
Oh god!!! Yolo.... The worst phrase to use on here besides "you mad, bro?" lol, you're an idiot op... prepared to get ripped to shreds by the FML community for this stupidity...
MrsStorms 0
Oh god I can't stand "you mad bro" ugh!
olpally 33
I know... It's so over-used...
Sydney92 3
you mad bro?
trollfaced 2
You mad bro?
ImaginaryFoe 1
And pretty much all communities except for the douchebags. Quick, add to the humiliation by getting hashtags tattooed on your thumbs. Go all in so in a decade you can enjoy your joblessness in all its purity.
KeyboardWarrior 10
37 Is obviously mad bro.
thatoneguy79 10
9) The next time he is drunk, he is going back to the parlor and having "U mad bro" inked on his forearm.
LeFunnyJunk 2
You mad?
edgestr 2
OP is a girl.
kittenvks 11
If you would like a complete list of useless shit that's probably gonna get you thumbed down from hell check docbastards profile. It's almost all there
ajeppsen 25
Dam that's funny and stupid
SkyBirdy 5
**** slap.
shrimp1234 4
I hate drake.
Ilikeurfmls 13
It's suicde silence...
Wiebeski19 5
What did Drake ever do to you?
alynarodriguez57 0
I
alynarodriguez57 0
I
Killer_fel 15
What is MOFO?
jackdaniels23 1
Ugh me too
IrishHungryNCute 4
Mofo is mother ******..