Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML
Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
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Top comments
UrCapsLockOn 12
plants breathe too how she manged to tap that ?? :S
xlord 27
apparently you burn a lot of calories during sex so she is right
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Comments (112)
Nevereverland 8
At least she isn't a necrophiliac. (not sure if spelt that correctly.)
redreynard 14
Lucky bastard. MY gran frowns on promiscuity =(
RedPillSucks 33
Does that mean she frowns while she's "doing it"?
AugustBurnsToast 14
Jeez I thought they were more innocent and holy back then. I mean Elvis Presley just shaking his hips on TV was controversial.
the_anti_hipster 7
Yes, but remember, that's also not too long after the age of Kinsey's sexuality research. Fascinating stuff, look it up. It basically shattered the thought that all sex at that time was conventional and boring. Gran's a closet freak, you know ;)
RedPillSucks 33
Not really. It just meant more stuff was suppressed. It's not like people weren't doing freaky stuff, just not in books and (later) TV.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Granny's got class. & apparently ass..
unknown_user5566 27
33- Obviously that second hip replacement is paying off. ;)
idk00 0
Nice weed
MEM0817 18
It's okay. I've had to hear about my Grams and her truck drivers stories. It made me want to bleed from the ears.
takhay 7
I'd probably cry sad sad tears if my gram told me that. Mostly because it would mean she was getting more action than I currently get... Well played, grandma.
reddudeover 2
In essence she told you YOLO... *gets pelted with rotten food Hey I hate it too!
unknown_user5566 27
Stop. Saying. YOLO.
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
Thank you 46
Suchagoonnn 4
Yolo
Aspen_Grace33 27
What? You don't like those "When I was your age..." stories?
unknown_user5566 27
Not when they make me visualize grandma having sex.
phatdaddy62 23
Granny takes it in the fanny!
MonsterCommenter 4
Your Granny sounds like a pimp. :D
donkey79 0
That is nice. Wait til she has to do assisted living, then she will make all kinds of friends.
phatdaddy62 23
I want that pretty orderly to give me a shower. He gives the best showers. That was my 80 year old mother-in-law 2 weeks after she had a stroke. Yes, she was being perverted.