Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML
Today, as my date and I were climbing into bed, she casually mentioned she’s never had an anonymous one night stand before. We work in the same office; that’s where we met. Apparently, I was always under her radar, and she assumed I was a customer instead of her coworker of two years. FML
Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML
Today, a coworker asked me out and we’ve been on a few dates. I had no idea why she’d want to date me, until after we had sex and she started crying and confessed she was molested as a teen, and since her attacker was short and gross like me, she wanted to use me to work out her repressed issues. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML
Today, the girl I work with, who I’ve developed feelings for, started dating another guy at work. She’d told me that she “doesn’t believe” in dating coworkers and she doesn’t “shit where she eats.” FML
Today, I went on a date with a beautiful woman I had recently met. Great food, great conversation, and a great connection. That is, until she revealed that she is a lesbian. FML
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ksks1234 33
At least you found out about the STD before possibly having sex with her.
kittykaos 14
Classy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
kittykaos 14
Classy.
TheCandyHater 7
Yeah, judging from your profile I really don't think you have the right to talk
TheCandyHater 7
Yeah, judging from your profile I really don't think you have the right to talk.
lexi365 20
Well, it could have been worse.
free2speak 14
47, her profile picture says nothing about her as a person in real life. On the Internet, you can be anything you want to be. --wise words from the mouth of a flower vase.
kittykaos 14
Thank you #51 ^^ Ah joys of people who like to judge! I'm guessing it's my pic they don't like =p Alas hot summer days will bring out summer dresses and hats are fun to try on =)
buckdharma 38
#47, Did you mistake her for a Kit-Kat?
NuTrees 9
They did say they was from Flint. Michigan I assume (734 in this B~**) you can't expect to much class.
WillTay 8
She's probably lying to make OP lose interest
NoFlippinWai 24
Michigan in General is over flowing with class and high standards and high morality. (906 in the hizouz)
BeccaHugs 17
Bet you lost interest after that conversation, eh?
Feared 9
Yeah eh. He seems like a real hoser.
perdix 31
#2, or it made him wonder about her rates. ;)
NickaPLZ 26
Shit, I lost interest FOR them.
SgtAssCheeks 21
correction: its a she, not a he. Just thought i'd point out
rocketiquette 20
Or maybe.... She didn't want to have a second date and told a great story to not see OP again.
SillyGirl4602 23
I hope he lost interest unless he wants to get stds too
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Am I the only one to think that she did that because she didn’t fancy him? OP says that he has been interested in her for some time. So maybe he was chasing after her for a while and she decided to put him off once and for all. A bit extreme I agree but not implausible.
ksks1234 33
At least you found out about the STD before possibly having sex with her.
shift_love 13
I think she was just trolling the absolute **** out of him as a means of it not going any further than that experience.
FastidiousPear 6
Um, just use condoms. I know it won't guarantee op won't get anything, but doesn't matter if he has sex.
NoOneCaresReally 8
Not so keen any more, are we?
NoOneCaresReally 8
Sorry #2 got there first :(
CheeseHater 23
No one cares, really.
Schizomaniac 24
Cheese hater.
carry_on 19
Either she invented that and you got 'friend zoned' or she's just disgusting. Either way consider it a lucky escape, your better off out of it!
TheNewGuy03 29
Her excuse was mighty brilliant if you asked me. It also seems to be difficult to even make conversation after dropping that nuclear bomb of a story. Either way, that's quite the letdown.
babygirl_015 11
RUN
kobelstone23 13
Did she make you pay her for the date? "Let'sss see, 2 hours for the movie, 2 hours for dinner...you owe me 700 dollars"
abrookec2011 14
$175/hour. Maybe I should rethink my career.
kobelstone23 13
Ha, you did the math!
VannahJane 17
Maybe you should be the one to pull the bathroom card now
hawright 13
Who discusses this at the table?
Silent_Thrill 17
Better than discussing it in bed.
hawright 13
Ha ha, touché 14. Much better.
olpally 33
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... Except herpes, that shit comes back with you. Lol. Fyl!
olpally 33
How has it been overused??? I haven't seen it in months on here! Oh well. Thanks buzz killington. I suppose that's over used too? Lol. Stop being so critical. Sheesh.
CharresBarkrey 16
I don't get it. That line fits perfectly here, and I don't think I've seen it on FML at all...
TheDrifter 24
He's just being hipster. He's heard it before, so it's too mainstream and overused.