Today, my husband played a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He should have made them into a song. That's the only acceptable way to listen to such noises.
igive 29
Destroy it before it hits youtube...if it's not too late.
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Comments (69)
Welshite 40
He should have made them into a song. That's the only acceptable way to listen to such noises.
cakefete2 31
So basically make a rap song? I mean I love rap, but the stuff on the radio is basically rhythmic broken wind.
incoherentrmblr 22
Hmm, now all you have to do is battle Michael Moore in the bathroom and see who wins...
over9000skittles 15
Perhaps some Tween Wave?
Zebediabolical 45
I was going to make a ass-trombone and tromboncini squash joke. But I decided that it's probably too obscure. Instead, I think you should give him encouragement. Tell him to create a piece of music using those tones like Joseph Bertelozzi did with the Eiffel Tower. Who am I kidding. FYL, OP.
igive 29
Destroy it before it hits youtube...if it's not too late.
redstone7693 29
Your profile picture scares me
Mama4ddk 15
How in the blue hell does this comment have anything to do with what she wrote? Random much?! I'm assuming you really didn't have it anything constructive to add and you couldn't come up with anything better then an asinine in salt? I probably wouldn't have bothered if I did send me. 0p I am not sure which part to feel sorry for you about, your family for not having a sense if humor, or because your husband should know this and he seems oblivious and show them something that she would completely offend them. Fyl for sure.
Mama4ddk 15
insult not in salt. Excuse the typos, my autocorrect is dyslexic lol
1dvs_bstd 41
That's a smelly thing to do!
greeneyebeauty9 28
Just stop...
Zerizle 19
If you're gonna make a pun, at least make it SLIGHTLY good.
njgohard 16
At least try to make the pun make sense.
morondon000 14
Try "That stinks!" or something more logical...
dawood_k 27
That's now blowing it out of proportion...just out of curiosity I bet you denied ever farting to your husband and this was his proof
WantaDanish 4
How is that "just out of curiosity"? You made a statement. There was no question.
sweetbliss3 37
you didn't think it was funny, even a little bit? I would've died laughing. even still, the dinner table was the wrong place to show that.
Mama4ddk 15
I don't know, I figure as long as you weren't saying anything nasty or able to smell any of them the noises she made in her sleep why isn't the dinner table an appropriate please do this? In our family that's where we discuss everything that happens in our life good bad indifferent funny. This is definitely something that would have fallen under hilarious and everyone would have taken turns laughing and telling their stories. I think people has just gotten a little uptight its like breathing or blinking, it's not like you can control it so just accept it and smile. Fyl 41 having an uptight family with no sense of humor and 24 having a husband you clueless to realize it lol good luck in the future
TheForgetfulOne 12
I'm assuming your husband isn't familiar with the quote "There's a time and a place for everything".
xxrogerthatxx 19
Your husband's a winner.
Zeishah 26
Yea winning disapproving glares at the dinner table!
Nicholas12 15
keep him
Mama4ddk 15
I agree, he obviously has a sense of humor and considering your family you need that! lol
AFaye3964 17
Do it too Him.. My fiancee has done this too me, so i take pictures of him and post it on fb.
Mama4ddk 15
Hahahaaa omg me too! I warned him pay back would be creative! It's all in fun though so I really don't understand where the problem lies for OP's family.