Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
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Top comments
Anbuntou 8
Children. Aren't they just precious...
slick5880 22
Shit happens. :)
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Comments (158)
elisabeth1_fml 0
Awesome kid lolZ
ihatedumbasses 6
This little girl is going places!
juturnaamo 29
1) I know they don't stain as easily, but don't buy a brown carpet again. 2) Try to stay on your evil genius child's good side.
amezola03 0
Sounds like something my daughter would do!!!!!
OFWGKTADGAF 0
1. how didnt you see the dog shit 2. how couldnt you smell the dog shit
sethryan695 0
That's hilarious!
BigGrouchy 0
She's smarter than u bwahahaha
DeVaughnS 5
Ahhhh what a clever little shrew.(in my Stewie voice)
DeadxManxWalking 27
"Smell real hard daddy. What does it smell like?"
DeVaughnS 5
Ahhhh what a clever little shrew.(in my Stewie voice)