Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
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Top comments
Anbuntou 8
Children. Aren't they just precious...
slick5880 22
Shit happens. :)
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Comments (158)
thehoneybadger 10
Wow. What a little brat.
PinkFun1969 9
This child is going to be a handfull. You should start while she is young making her life a living Hell!!
yesmanddd 4
no way in hell you're 31. Just saying.
stacianichole 2
A lot of personal info in that profile, too... weird.
bubblepaarty 5
wouldn't you have seen it considering you were on your knees ? o.O
shortyife 0
I was wondering the same thing! did he kneel down w eyes closed? makes no sense.
rocker135 0
Then you get up and snap your belt twice and give her a ten second headstart
here4theparty 4
Im glad you posted your same shitty comment three times. Thanks.
rocker135 0
Then you get up and snap your belt twice and give her a ten second headstart
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Yeah, because abusing a small child - or any child for that matter - is alright, for something she probably thought would be funny. Not something she didn't know was wrong. Gtfo.
dubsqueet 0
people like you just shouldn't reproduce.
rocker135 0
Then you get up and snap your belt twice and give her a ten second headstart
CHOMP3R 0
Oh. Isn't she lovely. But wouldn't you have seen the crap..?
OFWGKTADGAF 0
can i **** your face?
JinxosGirl87 0
Are you sure she hadn't crapped the rug instead of the dog?
kareltje 17
Her even thinking of doing that stinks of parental straying. This girl needs to be taught some ethics and values. So I guess YDI...
FYLDeep 26
If a 3-year-old overpowered you that easily, then you deserved it.