Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LyricaSilvan 30
Being a CNA myself, I have to wonder if you paid attention in class. They generally teach you how to do samples, and it always involves a container of some sort. I hope you were at least wearing gloves. It seems like a silly thing to wonder, but then again, you didn't have the sense to know the nurse was kidding, either.
Frabens 1
YDI for being so gullible.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (46)
Regimental_Phan 18
you let....somebody....SHIT.....in your hand.......where is the damn facepalm emoji?
Nikitasue92 7
where on earth did you get your certification......
cek727 16
I am a trained CNA, and know that's covered before you step foot outside the classroom. YDI.
Mattdog625 3
your ******* stupid
tehlandbear 1
a turd in the hand is worth two in the bush
AndronicusPark 10
I fear for the people under your care.
KingKong0821 0
LMAO reading this while I'm at work. Showed this to my nurse and she laughed her ass off!!?
kallen24 3
How long have you been working as a CNA?
Bullshart94 0
Am sorry but you are clearly making this up as there is no way in hell this would happen!!! It's so sad when people make up stupid stories just to get attention!!
lucasjames22 8
Wow. I'd be embarrassed to admit I'm that stupid and gullible.