Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
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Top comments
LyricaSilvan 30
Being a CNA myself, I have to wonder if you paid attention in class. They generally teach you how to do samples, and it always involves a container of some sort. I hope you were at least wearing gloves. It seems like a silly thing to wonder, but then again, you didn't have the sense to know the nurse was kidding, either.
Frabens 1
YDI for being so gullible.
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Comments (46)
quarterweek 13
I feel like this is common knowledge. Kind of like how with collecting a urine sample you put it in a container. YDI.
AlficiaEff 6
Playing a trick on a coworker is funny. Doing it at the patient's expense is terrible. Granted, they may have been speaking sarcastically and never intending to be taken seriously, joke or not.
gassybaby 4
coming from a cna. how in the world did you get your license. that's like one of the first things they teach in class. you deff. deserve it.
Why_me499 21
this made me laugh so hard I started to hyperventilate. As someone who had to collect a dozen or so stool samples on my shift this evening, I could perfectly picture that scene. You're unbelievably gullible tho.
corky1992 33
Im not even remotely close to being a CNA and even i knew that. Money well spent towards nursing school I see lol.
sweetpotato301 7
F the patient's life!
Colon_Man 17
Last March I spent two weeks in the hospital and I had a male CNA who treated me like I was trying to make moves on his girlfriend - yanking my arms around, cramming pillows under me to rotate. After a few times of this I'm, like, "Hey, man. We're not playing football, here." He eased up a little after that, but, damn, it makes me appreciate female nurses a lot more.
Nats4444 11
You need some common sense if you're going to last in healthcare.
Saraishi 25
.... You're a gullible one, OP.
monyluv1 13
As a nurse myself, this only would have been funny if the CNA started heading towards to patients room, gloves and container in hand and then the nurse tell him it was a joke, please don't do that!!! This nurse was an ass, plain and simple. Humiliating to the patient to have to poop in someone's hands, embarrassing as hell for the CNA for "falling" for it. I say "falling" bc as nurses, CNA's or patient aides look to us for advice and knowledge, not to be used as the butt of a joke for a laugh.