Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML
Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML
Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML
Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML
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Top comments
martinv19 6
At least he waited for u to leave!
MotherHen88 4
Whenever someone says stool sample, I think of little tiny wooden bar stools for very small people to sit on.
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Comments (93)
martinv19 6
At least he waited for u to leave!
BunchieRules 31
Yeah, except now s/he has to clean it up off of the counter. FYL, OP. Maybe he really, really had to go.
chocol8m 6
politeness, dirtier than I thought.
mmmPoptarts 6
It would seem that the OP did not properly explain how the stool sample was to be acquired, man that would suck to clean up though.
seldom66 16
Op, are you perhaps DocBastard?!
hotPinklipstick 24
48- Not necessarily, you have the option of putting in a different 'nickname' when submitting an FML.
DocBastard 40
Seldom66 - Uh, no. As a surgeon I have no reason to ask patients for stool samples. Ever. If I need one, I go get it, if you catch my drift.
YoungMisfit 9
Sir we are going to need a stool sample So you want me to do it here? No sir To late... *plop*
hama806 19
Shit happens. Said with uncertainty while stating the obvious.
tjv3 10
That's just gross . People have no common sense anymore
martinv19 6
In life shit happens!!
LadyGore 12
Well isn't that just a piss off.
COOL__Coal 12
I'm pretty sure you are going for a pun which shows you have no idea what stool is. If I'm wrong and this isn't an attempt to be funny then I feel sorry for you.
MagicGiraffe 12
It pisses me off when people make shitty puns and don't know crap about what they're "punning" about.
flockz 20
damn guys quit being so anal about her lack of vocabulary.
PeteyPablo12308 20
It'd be more of a " poop-off" but that doesn't really make sense.
GrammarTeacher 1
Damnit you can't take shitty and crap in one pun! Now we cant do as many puns!
efemel94 7
Who says "that's a piss off"?! I know everyone says things like "you're pissing me off" etc but "a piss off"??
lifesabrees932 1
Cue the "that's shitty jokes"
angrymexican 8
Was that an alliteration?
ryry013 6
Don't know, but I had to read it twice
Dracoboxer357 36
Devil's in the details! You presumed too much, and specified too little, it would appear. ;) Sorry though, Ick. :p
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Okay, sarcasm fail. :p Seriously though? I'm betting the patient was senile. Seems more likely that than he's just that big of an asshole. That is rather disgusting, Op, hope it didn't completely ruin your day.
WCARlover 35
Hey, on the bright side you got your sample :p
MotherHen88 4
Whenever someone says stool sample, I think of little tiny wooden bar stools for very small people to sit on.
destroyer69 0
Ok
zandalee 20
Omg that is disgusting! I hope you made him put it in the sample pottle then clean the counter.
MedKits 9
Oh yeah, because you can definitely do that to patients.
zandalee 20
Yeah good point. :)
LoveGuru69 0
what's a pottle?
False_Stupidity 42
It was a bottle but the b fell off its bar stool and is hanging upside down...
BunchieRules 31
Maybe he sincerely thought he was supposed to go there while you were gone. Or he's just an idiot looking for trouble. Either way, FYL.
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
I feel sorry for you op, I hope you didn't have to collect I hope he had the decency to collect it himself; but I highly doubt it, either way he was a bizarre man and I hope you do not have to deal with him in the future.
Patrickstarfish 0
Bitch please.........