Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "She used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML
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Top comments
wootwootimahoot 10
Hypocrite.
Grand_Cookie 21
Sack up and stop doing it for her. Two can play that game.
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Comments (219)
scheffc 9
Move on. You don't want to be with a person like that.
splashface1 10
This reminds me of the spongebob meme which reads "**** you mean you don't suck dick?"
myurlbriii 9
So... Why are you with her again?
angelofsaturn 23
Seriously man you need to have a talk with her and find out why. If it was cause of a trauma then y'all can try to work thru it. I hated anal for a very long time because of a few incidents but i ended up getting talked into it again by a 3rd guy who actually prepared me for it and it was great.
condiment_queen 13
Uuhhhh, would you prefer to have sex with a chick that isn't ready & wet for you? There is a difference between giving head, where the end result will be better for ******* (unless you like it tense & dry?) & giving head where one person cums and that's it. Unless u don't want 2 have sex, just cum?
Iguanadon 14
It's still selfish and unfair for her to not return the favour and to be such a bitch about it
condiment_queen 13
And bullfuckingshit to swallowing cum being a 'gift'. If my husband wants me to swallow, he'd better b prepared 2 kiss me afterwards, cos I kiss him after he goes down on me. Fairs fair. If I have to taste his cum, so does he.
FieryPho 2
Don't just stop giving her oral. Do something much worse. Tease her. A lot. And I mean a ******* lot! Next, go down on her. But, stop right before she's about to cum. Just do nothing. Hold down her hands to stop her from finishing the job herself. Just don't do anything. And when she yells at you, just say "Giving oral is demeaning and sick"
trustno1_fml 10
I would never be able to be with a woman that doesn't blow (and maybe not even with one that doesn't swallow).
Veeshanee_fml 6
Funny. Usually, it's the other way. Well, don't be sad, now you understand why women don't like either.
ladybuglet 22
Then stop eating her out. If she wants sex, she needs to return the favour once in a while.