Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML
Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
ARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!! *Ploop*
CTVrhythmguitari 8
Dude. Fiber.
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Comments (74)
Pinkfl0yd 9
Someone needs to make better offerings of turd to the porcelain throne.
zoecw 14
Why are there so many YDI's???!!!
isis_morrigan 18
Because its your own fault if you get that constipated, everyone knows all the ordinary fixes, such as more fiber, prunes, raisins, ect, and it should be common sense if you don't poop in 3 or 4 days, you should take action, and either eat those foods listed above or take laxatives, and if still not effective, go see a doctor!
Annies 20
sometimes it’s not about that, i can get constipated even with doing all that stuff
peachesrmylife 0
Wow good job
Aoifexzx 3
If you need to push that hard maybe it's a sign you don't need to go?
muffinXmonster 12
I think there is an app for that...
OfficeNinja 5
Sounds like a potential world record! You will need to weigh it in courics and if it is a new record, name it Bono Jr.
alexup24 13
you have strong bowels
rebeccac3 5
Can u say stool softeners
Kaerunoutof 3
It is just taking a "break"
hateevryone 15
you need to take something for that.