Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML
Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
ARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!! *Ploop*
CTVrhythmguitari 8
Dude. Fiber.
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Comments (74)
indielove 13
Insanity 2?
Jonkbaby 23
take a dump on your abs
n_epic_fail 14
You weren't taking a dump, you were making your daily offering to the porcelain throne.
ThisIsMyReign 4
OP the bathroom isn't the place to try and go super sayian.
isaiaha11 2
I pulled amuscle while bending to get a tissue
SnowFlakeInAK 7
Sounds like you need to see a doctor. That has to be painful!
iamyummylicious 14
Or more fiber in their diet. Salads are tasty, you know? Stool softener and laxatives can help as well :|
a1f0sff 25
Not only painful, it can cause little wounds and bleed. You should really be careful with that.
RadPenny 6
I think op's just dehydrated.
Osito2011 9
Op has to becareful...you can rupture something pushing to hard. Op needs to relax and let it flow.
Crystal55621 19
I'm pretty sure it doesn't flow without force.
coolboy675 16
What super saiyan number did op go to?
Daelda 6
Straining too much while taking a bowel movement has been known, in rare cases, to cause heart attacks. Go see your doctor. In the meantime, take some stool softeners, laxatives or eat more fiber.
saIty 17
ARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!! *Ploop*
Jonkbaby 23
are you impersonating a 56k modem?
MikeDa1Da 14
It's OP taking a shit
philipino 24
That sounds like a shi- (gets bitchslapped)
urdirtyolduncle 15
Last time, I screamed so much while taking a dump that I almost went super sayain.
01sparkly 15
Wonder if OP's abs have come in yet
stolencookie 17
Careful there, pushing too hard can be bad for your systems.I hope you were just constipated and not just extremely weak and out of shape.
xFluttershy 7
"The poop that took a pee" By Butters Stotch
reenkaur 7
that sucks. constipated or something? fell better soon!
reenkaur 7
*feel :D
zombicidal 11
such an improvement from last time when you posted three times and used poor grammar in each. just for that I give you one upthumb
Azail 15
Wouldn't it be a thumbs up not an up thumb?
zombicidal 11
perhaps but I'm on Reddit a lot and I almost typed upvote
ThisIsMyReign 4
^ I think you should stop trying to be a Grammar Nazi.
marinus_fml 20
Maybe working out seems like a good idea anyway.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Why not? Many pros, few cons to that advice. Whether or not it'll help OP out in This particular circumstance is anyone's guess though.... ;)
MerrikBarbarian 9
It should. Exercise helps peristaltic motion so stuff moves through you better... Exercise, fiber and more water would all be beneficial to op
ninjaboy18 6
There's blood in my stool. Oh ey de di de di de di de di de di de di :) -colin mochrie
Betz 10
You must feel pooped after all that hard work. ;)
Redoxx_fml 22
The Porcelain Throne was not impressed
CTVrhythmguitari 8
Dude. Fiber.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Make room for the brown brick!
KiddNYC1O 22
Good thing McDonald's introduced their oatmeal. That way we can "release their demons" with ease.
poindextrr 2
at least u get a workout without paying for a gym ? :)
Jenniie14 5
Wtf... not even funny