Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML
Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
ARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!! *Ploop*
CTVrhythmguitari 8
Dude. Fiber.
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Comments (74)
santel_fml 8
Eat some prunes but stay close to a toilet :p
spencerbalog 0
Tape worm.
texas_redneck88 10
Ummm you might wanna get that checked out. In the mean time, drink some magnesium citrate
minagiv 11
Get some Miralax or Colace!
DocBastard 40
Don't listen to all these crazy people advocating laxatives or fiber or drinking more water. The only proven method of relieving your constipation is DocBastard's Anal Violator 5000, now available in KaySL Size. Oh yeah, feel the burn! Order now!
skitzofunia88 8
Do you accept debit or credit?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Shut up and take my money!
BeefyQueef 5
I'm assuming KaySL size is the XXXL
thisbitchlys 0
yeahh, go see a doctor, :/
Kesti 1
You need Kesti constipation cookies and the Problem will be solved. Google it!
chuckcloninger 12
Stool softeners and Sennekot daily. At WalMart.
Almandine 7
Eat some coconut, prunes, or figs. They are stool softeners :P
linker712 1
My rule is: if it doesn't flow, let it go, unless it's for a week or two, in that case get to a ******* hospital..