Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML
Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
ARRRRRHHHH!!!!!!! *Ploop*
CTVrhythmguitari 8
Dude. Fiber.
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Comments (74)
SooInnLovee 6
Don't push too hard or you'll get a hemorrhoid! Those are painful! Well obnoxious mostly and laxatives will ease that problem or see a doctor!
oakland43 6
dont get a hernia...
tsq 0
OMG!!!!!! Today l wasn't feeling very well but when I read your post I instantly uncontrollably burst so hard into laughter, l guess laughter really is the best medicine, now I have cramps
writergirl23 19
Drink more water and eat prunes. And also, pushing that hard will give you a hernia or hemorrhoid in ten seconds flat.
gigglesgirl 4
you need some more fibre bro!
soog2 5
Holy **** I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Sorry but it's funny to me
Rick_E_Fresh 0
well that makes two of us
xx000o 27
Drink a large shot of mineral oil every night before bedtime.
FabulousToaster 16
Mineral oil? I usually use melted plastic, but both would work.
itsmeandisaidfml 0
Squiz a big one out a there lol
Hason 0
stay away from caffein.