Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
chachachandler 5
Courtesy flush! For the sake of everything holy!
Almandine 7
Prunes and coconuts (and maybe figs) are natural stool softeners. Next time eat some of those early on. Then you won't have to eat special bread.
KiddNYC1O 22
Now you'll shit with extreme ease.
bettyc4 26
Same thing happen to me! And I have pix!
pagullarka 9
Pictures, come on really. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard
TheNinjaBacon 8
Y would u have pic of urself takin a crap????? I dont think anyone wants to see those
DinosaurJr23 3
Whatever fancies your tickle, comrade.
Zoe_Kate 4
Hahahahahaha this is sick... Seriously OP? Didn't feel the need to keep this one to yourself?
bylliam 0
Damn ***** rough
Michaelsgirl04 9
At least it doesn't hurt anymore? Sorry op. Have fun taking the browns to the superbowl! :/
aquaeyedsiren 0
this sounds almost like dragon ball z. since it took you all week to power up, I hope you at least made it official with a "ka me ha me aaaa!!!!!"
IdaE 17
Know the feeling....
j_cat187 20
The wold largest crap, I believe they have a place to register.