Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
angrynegro7 16
Somebody get this man an ice cube, and be quick about it!
andro6657 10
Eat more fiber!
Epichearts 2
Cool story bro.
gustin_o 0
Hahah that's really funny but I feel bad for ur ass:(
goodgood_fml 5
Don't strain or you'll have hemorrhoids. After you are done, take a warm bath to help soothe back there. I hope you feel better soon. From now on, might want to have some sort of fiber daily so that you won't be so irregular. Like raisin bran crunch, fiber one, or nabisco shredded wheat(blueberry). I'll say a prayer too because I don't wish constipation/hemorrhoids on my worst enemy.
Midnightpearls 13
Good thing you grabbed something to do!
pagullarka 9
TMI, dude
l0v3p4in 7
Now, you're ready for your colonoscopy!
gonad_gobbler 1
Did you ever regain the feeling in your asshole? c'mon op tell us the hole story! Butt then again, if you want to keep the rest of the story to yourself, I won't butt in.
altigue 0
Lol that's corny, but friggen hilarious lol
specialneeds 0
WTMI