Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
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Top comments
KingDingALing 9
Fart in your hand and sniff it. If that doesn't scare them away, start talking about how you need to take a monster shit but the bathrooms are occupied. Then suggest taking a shit in the vomit bag and make it look like you're about to actually do it.
Lucie_love 4
You should totally creep them out for doing that. Just stick your hand down your pants and jack off.
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Comments (154)
wisericky 12
you need to fight fire with fire OP.
TripOnShoelaces 0
Your picture kicks ass.
annabel16 3
how the **** are you on the internet on an airplane.?
Skroal_stomper 5
only five minutes into flight? Electronics are not even allowed that early in a flight. No way there us any signal available to even get the post out. I figure OP is in error and he has been in flight at least an hour.
TheDrifter 24
Or they could still be on the Tarmac waiting to taxi and the op doesn't give a shit about the rules compared to the stench surrounding her.
tona01 16
i didn't know they offered wifes. damn tell which airline has that i really could get used to that PS. i'm not trying to be a grammar nazi, i just pictured it perfectly
mzgigglezvazquez_fml 0
omg!!! I ride horses too!! I also compete in gymchana shows!! but I love barrel racing:) lol
tona01 16
don't worry about it
Nikieejay 0
bummer ehhaha
omfgjasmine_ 0
hahaha ouchh that sucks!
BellBungle 2
so did I... there us no Internet on planes, unless the plane hadn't taken off yet???
EtcStar 4
On the last trip I was on, they allowed passengers to use the internet when they were high enough in the air. It's usually only during takeoff and landing where you have to shut your computer off.
Rickog1_fml 0
Bite your nails and flick them on her. Then you eat something gassy and bombs away back at both of them.
quicheme45 0
buy first class next time!
jess6blondie9 3
Not everyone can afford 1st class.
lionheart822 13
also, there are some instances where if you have a shitty enough seat, the hostesses will pity you and try to find you a free seat, or upgrade you.
justalilrandom2 4
I've done that with 4 before, what a fantastic flight that was for me, not many other people were so lucky. I have it down to a fine art.
situations 3
lmfao shitty but it could have been worse
Fx13mz 7
Nice...