Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
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Top comments
KingDingALing 9
Fart in your hand and sniff it. If that doesn't scare them away, start talking about how you need to take a monster shit but the bathrooms are occupied. Then suggest taking a shit in the vomit bag and make it look like you're about to actually do it.
Lucie_love 4
You should totally creep them out for doing that. Just stick your hand down your pants and jack off.
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Comments (154)
c12azy13ananas 0
Hang on, clipping toenails and buying food within 5 minutes of your plane taking off? no airline serves food within 5 mins, and how can anyone clip their toenails on such cramped aircraft these days??
testthecoal 5
Midgets... that's who.
sdg144 0
federal aviation regulations prohibit the use of any electronic device that uses a two way signal. by posting this you are breaking federal law.... nice
ChibiChibi_fml 28
No they aren't. You are allowed to use laptops and the internet (provided your plane has it and you have paid for it) once a plane has passed a certain elevation. What they mean when they say that is that you can't use phones, radios, wireless mice, wireless keyboards, or essentially anything that sends out a signal strong enough to interfere with the planes equipment.
tona01 16
and with the nail thingy, maybe op was in a plane from a country that doesn't have a strict regulation system and OP was flying to another country that has a light regulation system aswell
boomsupersonic 0
Um, are you on one of those planes with wifi? Hole in story: found.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
The fact that it is possible that there is wifi on the plane means that there is no hole in the story.
deatheater97 0
have fun ;)
darklight549 2
Fake... Cant use electronics that use wifi or a cellular current on a plane. You fail
epic13 12
GOGOINFLIGHTINTERNETS
Travis420 0
You should have booked southwest. They love customers.
aegillesp 1
I was on a flight once and this lady was taking up part of my seat so I put on a movie on my laptop that had a few sex scenes. I felt great.
Evangeline1 0
heheh, lol that sucks man, once ay sat next to a old woman how kept asking me" how high up are we?",and " did they come around with cookies yet?", I was 7
PwningLamp1 0
What's up with your pic lol
Evangeline1 0
ohh in just like it, it's of my two favorite people in my all time favorite band:):)
KiddNYC1O 22
It depends. Most of the time you have to upgrade, which involves moving up and paying for it, or notify the purser.