Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
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Top comments
KingDingALing 9
Fart in your hand and sniff it. If that doesn't scare them away, start talking about how you need to take a monster shit but the bathrooms are occupied. Then suggest taking a shit in the vomit bag and make it look like you're about to actually do it.
Lucie_love 4
You should totally creep them out for doing that. Just stick your hand down your pants and jack off.
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Comments (154)
deebabyx0 0
why are you on your phone while your on an airplane? thought you couldn't do that
justalilrandom2 4
I thought the same thing, it's 5 minutes in so the phone should be off? Unless the OP is using the aircraft's Internet, some have it, but then the two either side would see it. Clarify OP!
Southerndatageek 2
OP could have a privacy screen on the computer or catching wifi on a smartphone from the plane.
nickiforever21 0
Some planes have wifi
justalilrandom2 4
That doesn't come on 5 minutes into the flight whilst still taxiing.
jess6blondie9 3
Ewwww. That's so nasty when people clip their toenails next to you. People are so impolite.
memo619 0
-clips toenails infront of you- some people find it sexy ;)
jess6blondie9 3
Haha, oh the weird fetish's people have;)
persianjr1 7
my fetish is beautiful girls. lol
memo619 0
33- you're a true visionary :') I can picture it now it's all fun and games until one flies into your eye, hate when that happens....totally kills the mood
mendozaale 0
hey #34 thats my fetish too :)
memo619 0
whattt! nowayyy personality>looks anyday
jess6blondie9 3
Looks aren't everything. You can meet a girl, who is the most drop dead gorgeous girl that you have ever met in your life, and they could be the biggest bitch on planet earth. Then what do you have going for you? A pretty face doesn't mean anything.
mendozaale 0
ya ur right jess... i guess its really all about how she is inside and outside... hmm well the girl i love is beautiful outside and good inside :)
persianjr1 7
it was a joke. haven't you ever hear me talk about how I don't give a shit about looks?
jess6blondie9 3
That's great 44:) and 45, I wasn't talking to you only, I know you were kidding. I was just saying.
schwebel 0
The prettier the girl the bitchier Well we all gotta make sacrificies;)
mendozaale 0
ok i just noticed how did it go from farts and tail clippings to girls ? they have nothing in common
jess6blondie9 3
Nah, don't stereotype. Not all pretty girls are bitchy. I know a ton of pretty girls that are nice as can be.
mendozaale 0
#65 my girl is beautiful and might be the nicest person some one might ever meet
vsx2000goton 0
68, hook me up? ;D
PwningLamp1 0
Agreed 34. :)
BlackOpsPWNR 0
72, I could man, I gotta nice Australian Shepard over here if your looking for someone feisty ;)
tona01 16
well everybody says they prefer personality but would any of you date a morbidly obese man/woman with a bad eye, that can't walk right and has acne all across his/her body because they have a good personality? if so you have my respect.
cartdud 1
great point. loving someone is not to be discriminated upon looks race or religion yet the person they truly are.
bigantennaemay 3
yeah, right. i think religion should be considered; it could cause problems.
mmedeiros14 0
i agree
tona01 16
loving and dating are two completely diferent things (excuse my spelling, still learning)
safwat 0
Internet on the plane =D
ChibiGirl5 0
******* hell fyl fyl fyl ask if there are any empty seats
xckylexc 0
fyl
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
im so sorry :(
you_and_me_fml 8
haha that sucks.. well its not a plane ride withoit being next to people with annoying habbits! and nail clipper?? pretty sure thats not allowed.. thats a way to get rid of at least one of them
safwat 0
lmao wow I read fmls daily ur always in the comments
perdix 31
Unless the lady has hundreds of toes, that part of the nightmare should end pretty soon. On the other hand, it should take some hours for the cheese to generate sone farts that smell like the innermost circle of Hell. That's going to be some classic gas.
lionheart822 13
good idea, OP just way it out for the toenail thing to be over. then, wait about 1 hour after the dude ate his cheese then go chill in the bathroom for a while. cause it takes about 45 min to digest food.
Swaggy94_fml 0
I feel bad for you
crazyspidergirl 0
I don't see how people say you deserved this! that sucks ass! :/ sorry