Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied, "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML
Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML
Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML
Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML
Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML
Today, I was having dinner with my husband and two toddlers. My two year-old son was being incredibly cute and independently drinking water out of an open cup. I commented on how much I loved him. Two seconds later, he threw said cup with water at my head and started laughing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
YacL 15
Suddenly, it all makes sense.
krez 20
I guess you didn't know that already? Your kid is smart!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
Scrts 3
You totally deserved it! Who would go to the dinner with CEO bringing 3 and 4 year children?! Only a dumbass.
mjninety 9
The op said they were invited. Maybe the CEOs had kids too?
perdix 31
Now you can ask for a raise so you can afford to hire a babysitter when you go to business meals.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Come on, people. Lighten up; it's just a kid being a kid, you have probably all embarrassed your parents as a child, so don't be so jaded. Personally, I find OP's child funny, not FML-worthy.
HoMachine 1
haha I lol-ed, their really cute :) don't think this is a fml
Senior29 8
the world makes sense again!
jaipie 4
kids will be kids
mzkris26 0
that is actually pretty funny, kids say the darnest things
mjninety 9
new hair cut $25 new suit $350 making an everlasting impression on your boss? priceless.
pashdyla 9
OMFG your kids a genius. lmao
FlonkertonChamp 6
honestly, if the CEO invited the kids to come to dinner, they probably don't have too many issues about the gross things kids say & do. your boss probably thought it was funny.