Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, my son won't go to his team dinner because the other kids made fun of him for "eating like a monkey." My wife says this is my fault. Funny, when I tried to teach him not to eat with his fingers, she got mad and ranted that "people ALL OVER THE WORLD eat with their fingers, it's normal, stop criticizing him!" FML
Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML
Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML
Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML
Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML
Today, my teen son came home in a terrible mood because his girlfriend won’t listen to him. I thought he meant conversation-wise, but he meant she refused to obey his commands about what clothes and makeup she wears, who she can talk to, where she can go, and so forth. My son is an asshole. FML
Today, my dad is infuriating by increasingly asking me to do things around the house, but because he doesn’t like how I do them he yells at me and then does it himself. It’s almost like he cares more about inventing excuses to yell at me than he does to actually get things done. FML
Today, my dad got mad at me because after he told me that when I'm not going anywhere to stop putting on perfume, I told him I wasn't wearing any. I took a shower this morning, my hair is still wet. When I tried to explain this, he got pissed and said that I just needed to accept when he told me I was wrong and shit. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Crowned Sataness 12
why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.
cuz803 46
Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
Crowned Sataness 12
why would you tell him not to pick his nose? teach them to do it discretely but ffs why would you tell him not to pick it at all.
RichardPencil 32
This is a great time to show him the hypocrisy and double-standards that exist in the world. "Do as I say, not as I do." Learn it. Love It.
cuz803 46
Classic hypocrisy. Apologize, compromise and let him pick his nose whenever he pleases.