Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML
Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss, who said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML
Today, I went to my husband’s work party where employees could bring a plus one. There, I met the colleague he talks so much about. She looked noticeably disappointed and said to my husband, “Wife?! You told me you were single!” We’ve been married for 7 years. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML
Today, a woman came up to me and sheepishly asked if my son is single. He's not my son, he's my boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-worker's 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone." FML
Today, I was on a video call with my boss and some clients. Everything was going smoothly until my 3-year-old son walked in wearing my wife’s high heels and started running circles around me, yelling, “Look at me, I’m a queen!” My boss and clients were visibly confused, and all I could do was laugh nervously, and hope it'll never be mentioned again. FML
Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
When your son gets older, he will realize the hero he truly is and understand the dirtbag you really are.
PenguinPal3017 19
Wait, were you really cheating on your wife in front of your son? wtf
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Comments (7)
cuz803 46
When your son gets older, he will realize the hero he truly is and understand the dirtbag you really are.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I hope your wife kicked you in the nuts, before taking your son away and calling a lawyer.
richardmosqueda 14
I understand kicking him in the nuts if he's actually cheating, but taking the son away? he could be a really good father. Just a shitty husband, also she has no grounds to take him. He can take him away just as much as she can.
BurnInDemonFire 39
My fellow fire-type is right. A good dad doesn't sneak off to bang his side piece while leaving his young son alone at work. OP is a bad husband, a bad father, and a bad male role model for any young boy as well as his son.
PenguinPal3017 19
Wait, were you really cheating on your wife in front of your son? wtf
raven_of_azarath 35
If you were actually cheating, YDI. If this is just an instance of “kids say the darnedest things,” FYL.
DoctorPALO 14
Sounds like you're getting what you absolutely deserve. This should be your wife's FML.
phybreawptic 13
That must have been awkward between you and that other guy.