Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML
Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ScratchCatPower 32
Pacifiers for everyone! Tonight maybe you'll unconsciously mutter "Here comes the airplane!" and try to feed your husband with an empty hand.
rorex 26
I don't get why this is an fml.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (49)
Monica_J 7
Why is this an FML? It was funny. Lighten up, OP
TheAspieDork 27
Were you drunk?
samlovesham1234 9
Maybe it was to stop him from snoring.
fishinpink 20
ok OP this was the first FML that literally made me LOL omg toooooo funny
petert71 10
That's pretty funny. Be happy you didn't try breast-feeding.
Fixme 5
Relax. It's hysterical :)
rockydify 22
ONE of the kids' pacifiers? How many kids with pacifiers do you have?! Twins I hope!
jndukes05 9
I've done plenty of things in my sleep from being a mom lmao you just have to say oh well
jvanevery 19
does your husband snore maybe you were thinking the pacifier would stop the snoring
shannon2348 14
I am completely confused by this. why do you find it so upsetting? I think it's funny. certainly nothing to get upset about. ydi