Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML
Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
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Top comments
cturtle 2
Who wants to live with someone who owns a white leather couch anyway??? Is there also a tiger skin rug in the middle of the room, head still attached?
trizzieb 0
YDI it for rooming with an f*ing douche bag. Maybe it was the blood from his menstrual cycle.
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Comments (54)
beachbabie 0
who buys a white couch?
GKLM 0
GAYDAR says yes
psychit 0
he just wants to kick you out and blamed it on you. duh..
PaigeCPony 0
That's what I was thinking, too
CheapoBilo 0
Your roomate was obviously pissed about you not being ghey enough to perform surprise butt secks on so he kicked you out.
betamaxjim92 0
Oh lordy, where's Billy Mays when you need him? If you're legitamatly getting kicked out, go take a shit on the couch for the lulz
DrewsFML 8
He said it was your fault because you're the one who makes him drink.
Emperor_Jim 0
Good thing you only spent seven weeks wih this asswipe.
blalien 0
Dude, your roommate can't just "kick you out." You have rights. Take it up with the landlord.
Richmond24 6
WHO THE **** HAS A WHITE LEATHER COUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!
blastvortex 4
Unless your roomie is the only one on the lease, he has absolutely no right to kick you out. Otherwise, grab your stuff and get out. Either way, you don't want to live with a person that blames you for all of their problems.