Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML
Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML
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Top comments
cturtle 2
Who wants to live with someone who owns a white leather couch anyway??? Is there also a tiger skin rug in the middle of the room, head still attached?
trizzieb 0
YDI it for rooming with an f*ing douche bag. Maybe it was the blood from his menstrual cycle.
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Comments (54)
TheLoneWolf87 4
Hi it's vince from shamwow, you'll be saying wow everytime. It's like a shammy, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge. A regular towel doesn't work wet, this works wet or dry. This is for the house The Car The Boat The RV Shamwow holds 20 times it's weight in liquid, look at this, it just does the work. Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess, ring it out. You wash it in the washing machine. Made in Germany, you know the germans always make good stuff. You can cut it in half, use one as a bathmat, drain your dishes with the other one, use one as a towel. Olympic divers, they use it as a towel- look at that, completely dry. Put a wet seater roll it up it dries your sweaters. Here's some cola, wine, coffee, cola, pet stains. Not only is your damage going to be on top, there's your mildew. That is gonna smell, see that. Now we're gonna do this in real time, look at this, put it on the spill, turn it over without putting any pressure, 50% of the cola...right there you following me camera guy? The other 50% the color starts to come up no other towels' gonna do that. It acts like a vacuum, and look at this virtually dry on the bottom. See what i'm telling ya Shamwow you'll be saying wow everytime. I can't live without it, i just love it! Oh my gosh i don't even buy paper towels anymore. If you're gonna wash your cars or any other vehicle, you'll be out of your mind not to own one of these. All i can say is SHAM! WOW! You're gonna spend twenty dollars every month on paper towels anyway you're throwin away your money. The mini shamwows are for everything, for everyday use. This last tens years, this last a week, i don't know it sells itself. The shamwow sells for 19.95 you get one for the house, one for the car, two for the kitchen and bathroom. But if you call now, within the next twenty minutes cause we can't do this all day, we'll give you a second set absolutely free. So that's 8 shamwows for 19.95. it comes with a ten year warrenty, here's how to order. Call 18009517100 Shamwow it not available in stores and is made in germany beware of shamwow immitators, call 18009517100 thats 18009517100 call now GET ONE
megs2129 0
this just made my day
Skull_300 0
What was that called again?
abadoo123 15
Made my day
music_METAL 0
YDI, for having an idiot roommate who gets butt hurt when it was obviously his fault.
Rico5037 0
ydi for being offended and trying to use 7 weeks as a longer term even though you've only been roomates for less than 2 months
haweb 0
Were you on a lease of any sort? If not, get over it.
dyliumo 0
GEEERR AAHHH
shroomis 0
BILLY MAYS HERE IT REMOVES STAINS, AND MAKES YOUR WHITES WHITER AND YOUR BRIGHTS BRIGHTER you should have bought my oxi-clean
SimplySweetness 0
Right before you get the last of your things out of there, go back and take a big steaming shit on it...
TheLoneWolf87 4
Oxi Clean gives you AIDS T_T But then again, what doesn't?
Skull_300 0
Tell that **** you'll leave tomorrow. Then when rommate leaves the room, strip naked and sit down on the ******* Couch with one leg kicked up on the other end, (allowing the twins to breathe). Get your camara ready. Call that asshole back in the room. "Click, click, click" Haaa haaaa
im_bored_tired 12
get ready to put ice on the twins purple bruises!
CallMeHush 1
Who the hell drinks red white sitting on a white leather couch? Who the hell would buy a white leather couch? Flip his gay ass over and see if his mangina has a leak.