Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I showed my boyfriend all my kinky sex toys, hoping he'd be excited. He was actually freaked out and said that I have "way too many." Sorry I'm not a boring Christian prude who's afraid of her own pussy, I guess. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
rockr_chick 5
its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
Smyth 3
A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.
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Comments (223)
maskedman 9
Thanks, that's me on Halloween. My girlfriend went as a giant penis and it made me feel insecure.
Jakofalltrades18 0
don't be scared. be a man and whip it out and show her that its not size that matters.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#101 Yep! It's what you can do with it that matters.
EvilDave 13
If I were the OP, I would be more concerned about what I would feel as opposed to what she would think about my size.
Specterk50 0
39 is epic win lmao
BlakeeeDrummer 0
I'd be poppin da purple pill
RedPillSucks 33
A 4hr hardon 3min of sex 3hrs and 57min of embarrassment.
nerdsgetmehot 23
If she has expectations that unrealistic, then that's just ridiculous...
athree 0
two words. penis pump!
Destruct0r 5
even the black guy thinks ur screwed
FYL_hardd 0
82, yes, I do. I actually tested it & it is proven fact, thank you very much.
remy3106 10
oh that's awkward...
StephyBaby16 0
itty bitty dick committee!! ^.^